Men's League #8 - Questions
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Men's League Video Clip #1
David Murrow, author of "Why Men Hate Going to Church", explains a "new" direction men's ministry should go, based on ancient principles, mainly Jesus' methods. This video clip is an introduction. I think Murrow has really hit upon something.....
For more information, go to: www.mensleague.org
DW
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Whatever happened to the Promise Keepers?
Excerpted from John P. Bartkowski’s forthcoming book, The Promise Keepers: Servants, Soldiers, and Godly Men (Rutgers University Press, 2003)
Remember the Promise Keepers? PK, as it was popularly called, emerged from the obscurity of a small 1991 gathering of around four thousand men at its first conference in Colorado to fill stadiums throughout the nation for several years during the 1990s. By 1997, PK supporters estimated at 800,000 strong filled the National Mall in Washington, D.C. for “Stand in the Gap: A Sacred Assembly of Men.” That PK event was voted the second most–newsworthy story of 1997. Now, just a few years past that triumphant march, this very same organization is struggling to reinvent itself. When these facts are considered, 1997 seems like eons ago.
Signs of decline
Careful observers of PK could notice telltale signs of the movement’s decline soon after Stand in the Gap. Just four months after that event, the organization laid off its entire office staff because of its dwindling finances. Armed with the catchy slogan, “Open the gates in ‘98!” PK had decided to drop its conference admission fee of sixty dollars at more than a dozen venues across the nation. The donation–only strategy of fundraising was designed to attract a more economically and racially diverse group of men to PK conferences. PK had long promoted reconciliation among men from different racial, socioeconomic, and denominational backgrounds under the banner, “Break Down the Walls.” Yet, the most significant breaking that took place in 1998 was the financial sort. PK was in desperate need of cash.
The organization’s cancellation of its long–planned millennial march was another sign of its decline. Dubbed “Hope for a New Millennium: Light the Night,” that event was billed as the follow–up march to Stand in the Gap, and was introduced to PK faithful there on the National Mall in 1997. The goal was ambitious—have PK men across America descend on capitol buildings in each of the fifty states at midnight on January 1, 2000. This “Y2K” reprise to 1997’s Stand in the Gap was anticipated to lend even more visibility to the movement. Yet, by early April 1999, the millennial march fell prey to the Y2K bug. Caution apparently being the better part of valor, PK leaders told men to remain home with their families to face what was expected to be a precarious transition to the new millennium. Many wondered if the event had been cancelled primarily because it would have been an embarrassment, a testimony to the falling fortunes of PK.
PK lost much of its newsworthiness soon after laying off its staff and canceling its millennial march. In the blink of an eye, the high–profile media attention PK once enjoyed had evaporated. Gone was coverage of massive PK stadium conferences and the personal testimonials of lives changed that had graced the covers and feature stories of all the nation’s top weekly news magazines. And front–page headlines captured so effectively by the group suddenly became a distant memory. Those left scratching their heads from diminished news coverage would see the writing on the wall with a quick glance at the numbers. The Promise Keepers’ annual budget dwindled from $117 million in 1997 to $34 million in 2001, and its surviving office staff of one hundred—those rehired after the layoff—was a skeleton troupe when compared with the veritable army of three–hundred and fifty that it employed during its heyday.
More convincing yet, the movement’s stadium gate draw became a mere shadow of its former self. Once able to attract more than 50,000 men to each of more than a dozen football stadiums during its “conference season,” the movement adopted the more modest goal of filling convention halls and civic centers of about 15,000. One of the more striking examples of the drought in attendance was found in Minneapolis. PK attracted 62,000 men to the Metrodome in 1995, but could muster only 16,000 men to Minneapolis’s much smaller Target Center in 2000. Similar drops in attendance occurred in other repeat–venues throughout the nation.
For their part, the Promise Keepers have not resigned themselves to being dismissed as yesterday’s news. When questioned about their drastically diminished revenues and less impressive membership rolls, one PK spokesman glibly asserted that the group is merely letting “the soil rest” before reinitiating its harvest of men’s souls. Other spokesmen have adopted a more forthright tone. One leader described the group’s well–publicized financial woes and staff layoff as its “puberty era.” Such images suggest that PK has “grown up” from a gangly revivalist movement to a more mature men’s ministry. Still others have sought simply to downscale expectations. Another leader in the group painted the Promise Keepers as a front–line crusade whose primary goal has always been to serve as a “starting point” for channeling converted men into local churches. According to this logic, once the baton has been passed to local churches, observers should not expect to see PK tally the same numbers in fund raising or conference attendance that they previously commanded.
Recent Efforts to Revive PK
More compelling than such rhetoric are PK’s practical efforts to reinvent itself in recent years. The form and the substance of PK conferences have changed in significant ways. In contrast to the glitzy high–tech conferences of years past, recent events have taken on a more earthy, traditionally evangelical feel. Still, this is not to say that PK has suddenly become a technophobic organization. PK continues to redefine the very notion of “electronic church,” a phrase sociologists first used in the 1980s to describe the phenomenal growth of Christian radio and televangelism. Information technology has come a long way since the 1980s. Never the Luddite, PK continues to use all of the latest technological media to their best advantage.
Select PK conferences are now broadcast live over the internet through the group’s use of webcast technology. PK’s website (www.promisekeepers.org) features a “myPK” link that, among its other features, can connect individual Promise Keepers with their brothers in the “PK Online Community.” And, for his part, PK founder McCartney has used an array of electronic media to reach American men. McCartney’s popular three–minute “4th and Goal” radio broadcast, carried by nearly five hundred local radio stations at it peak, is supported by a companion website (www.4thandgoal.org) as well as an e–mail distribution list. The Promise Keepers even offer a filtered internet service provider, “pkFamily.com,” and its own “internet accountability software” called “Eye Promise”—the latter with a catchy “eye” logo that helps men to feel as if they are under the caring yet watchful gaze of the group as they surf the web. A host of local Promise Keeper faithful have followed suit by constructing their own websites at which they pay homage to the group and its influence on their lives. At many such sights, old–time religion meets high–tech spirituality.
Alongside such efforts, the Promise Keepers have also sought to broaden their target constituency. In 2001, PK began sponsoring a youth ministry series called Passage, complete with conferences aimed at young evangelical males. PK describes this cohort of young evangelicals as “The Next Warriors For Christ,” and provides the hip admonishment, “THIS AIN’T YOUR DADDY’S PK!” Passage events feature big–name Christian musical artists, such as Michael W. Smith and the Katinas, who are widely popular among evangelical youth. Not to be dismissed as out of touch with today’s youth culture, Passage’s supporting websites (www.passage2001.com, www.passage2002.com) feature pictures of teen surfers and skateboarders alongside Bible–reading adolescent boys. Passage conferences also feature young Christian athletes—a new generation of Muscular Christians, it would seem—performing extreme sports to pulsating but sanitized tunes that resemble the emergent genre of “ska music” sweeping through American teendom. The climax of every Passage conference is the pairing up of each teen boy with an adult male mentor. Like accountability partnerships that were formed in their “Daddy’s PK,” the expectation is that this mentor–protegè relationship will last well beyond the event itself.
The Promise Keepers’ new emphasis on youth ministry was presaged by the 2001 eighteen–city conference series, “Turn the Tide: Living Out an Extreme Faith,” which melds a biblical reference to promoting social change through Christian living (Romans 12:2) with the concept of “extreme sports” popular among young people today. Passage conferences are touted as an “in–your–face experience.” Balancing their anti–establishment orientation with respect for competing forms of youth ministry, PK leaders are quick to emphasize that Passage is not aimed at supplanting more traditional church–run ministries to male youth groups such as the Boy Scouts.
The Promise Keepers have also broadened their reach beyond U.S. borders through “PKI”—Promise Keepers International. PKI hosts “International Summits” designed to unite evangelical Christians from around the world in brotherly prayer and worship. These summits are translated into no fewer than seven languages, are enlivened with world music (albeit from a Christian perspective), and feature “presentations from representatives of nations from every continent, including Messianic Rabbis, Pastors from Africa, Asia, Latin America and Europe” (www.pk–intl.com/summit.htm). By 2002, PKI had been established in nine countries, including Canada, Germany, New Zealand, South Africa, Sweden, the United Kingdom, and other European nations. And, true to form, several of these PKI chapters have their own websites.
PKI extends the group’s longstanding engagement with cultural diversity. PK was criticized early on for a lack of representation of racial minorities on its staff and its failure to attract men of color despite its stated emphasis on racial reconciliation (see Allen 2001; Diamond 1998; Hawkins 2000; Jones and Lockhart 1999). Even McCartney himself, grandfather of two multiracial children, had previously acknowledged the group’s failure on this front (Culver 1999b). However, in the last few years, the movement has begun to offer a more culturally diverse slate of speakers and is guided by a more genuinely multiracial cadre of leaders (Dujardin 2001; Rivera 2001). PKI is designed to take PK’s multicultural brand of evangelicalism to the next level by broadening its base to include born–again Christians from outside the United States.
Making Sense of It All: Explaining the Rise and Fall of PK
The rapid growth and decline of the Promise Keepers tells us a great deal about this men’s movement and American religion. As a revivalistic movement that is sometimes quite critical of the religious establishment, PK was able to repackage spirituality, casting it as something other than “organized religion.” This evangelical repackaging of faith made religious conviction palatable for a large number of American men. But eschewing “organized religion” comes at a cost. Social movements have traditionally found it difficult to parlay their appeal into an enduring influence unless they become institutionalized. In the world of feminism, the women’s movement became consolidated and endures as the National Organization of Women. In the world of faith, religious movements often try to channel their charisma into organizations that are familiar to us all—congregations and denominations. United Methodism, begun by evangelist John Wesley, is one case in point. Thus, PK’s anti-establishment approach to faith was its greatest strength and its most glaring weakness. PK was catapulted into the limelight and attracted men by the thousands through because it gave a free-flowing character to spirituality. In this way, it successfully dressed up religion in garb, such as sport, that is very familiar to American men. But this quality also meant that its fame would not last very long, as is commonly the case with revivalistic movements designed to attract a limited constituency (in this case, men).
In a broader sense, the rise and fall of the Promise Keepers provides insight into American culture. Americans suffer from what might be best described as a collective form of attention deficit disorder. Our society changes with such rapidity that it is a real challenge for any group to command sustained attention in the public eye. Consider the late artist Andy Warhol’s prophetic reference to the fleeting “fifteen minutes of fame” that he predicted would characterize popularity in modern America. In many respects, Warhol was right. Social life in twenty–first century America seems to be more liquid than solid.
By diving headlong into the turbulent waters of American culture, the Promise Keepers invariably lent themselves to comparisons with the world of entertainment. And the consumers that rule the entertainment world are notorious for their fickle tastes and their insatiable appetites for increasingly more spectacular forms of excitement. The problem here is one of continually having to “up the ante.” Of course, this is not to say that fickleness or an insatiable appetite for entertainment dictated the Promise Keeper men’s reactions to conferences. The stated purpose is something different—changing hearts, winning souls. But, as the movement’s signature event, Promise Keeper conferences were designed to be spectacles. They were intended to entertain as well edify. And the problem with a spectacle is it needs to be outdone by something more spectacular and more stimulating the next time around. Thus, the fate of the Promise Keepers sheds important light on both the Christian men’s movement that it represented, and the society in which we all live. The bell has tolled for the Promise Keepers. But, living in such a time of rapid change, it also tolls for us all.
John P. Bartkowski is an associate professor of sociology at Mississippi State University. He is author of Remaking the Godly Marriage: Gender Negotiation in Evangelical Families (Rutgers University Press, 2001) and Charitable Choices: Religion, Race, and Poverty in the Post–Welfare Era (New York University Press, 2003).
Remember the Promise Keepers? PK, as it was popularly called, emerged from the obscurity of a small 1991 gathering of around four thousand men at its first conference in Colorado to fill stadiums throughout the nation for several years during the 1990s. By 1997, PK supporters estimated at 800,000 strong filled the National Mall in Washington, D.C. for “Stand in the Gap: A Sacred Assembly of Men.” That PK event was voted the second most–newsworthy story of 1997. Now, just a few years past that triumphant march, this very same organization is struggling to reinvent itself. When these facts are considered, 1997 seems like eons ago.
Signs of decline
Careful observers of PK could notice telltale signs of the movement’s decline soon after Stand in the Gap. Just four months after that event, the organization laid off its entire office staff because of its dwindling finances. Armed with the catchy slogan, “Open the gates in ‘98!” PK had decided to drop its conference admission fee of sixty dollars at more than a dozen venues across the nation. The donation–only strategy of fundraising was designed to attract a more economically and racially diverse group of men to PK conferences. PK had long promoted reconciliation among men from different racial, socioeconomic, and denominational backgrounds under the banner, “Break Down the Walls.” Yet, the most significant breaking that took place in 1998 was the financial sort. PK was in desperate need of cash.
The organization’s cancellation of its long–planned millennial march was another sign of its decline. Dubbed “Hope for a New Millennium: Light the Night,” that event was billed as the follow–up march to Stand in the Gap, and was introduced to PK faithful there on the National Mall in 1997. The goal was ambitious—have PK men across America descend on capitol buildings in each of the fifty states at midnight on January 1, 2000. This “Y2K” reprise to 1997’s Stand in the Gap was anticipated to lend even more visibility to the movement. Yet, by early April 1999, the millennial march fell prey to the Y2K bug. Caution apparently being the better part of valor, PK leaders told men to remain home with their families to face what was expected to be a precarious transition to the new millennium. Many wondered if the event had been cancelled primarily because it would have been an embarrassment, a testimony to the falling fortunes of PK.
PK lost much of its newsworthiness soon after laying off its staff and canceling its millennial march. In the blink of an eye, the high–profile media attention PK once enjoyed had evaporated. Gone was coverage of massive PK stadium conferences and the personal testimonials of lives changed that had graced the covers and feature stories of all the nation’s top weekly news magazines. And front–page headlines captured so effectively by the group suddenly became a distant memory. Those left scratching their heads from diminished news coverage would see the writing on the wall with a quick glance at the numbers. The Promise Keepers’ annual budget dwindled from $117 million in 1997 to $34 million in 2001, and its surviving office staff of one hundred—those rehired after the layoff—was a skeleton troupe when compared with the veritable army of three–hundred and fifty that it employed during its heyday.
More convincing yet, the movement’s stadium gate draw became a mere shadow of its former self. Once able to attract more than 50,000 men to each of more than a dozen football stadiums during its “conference season,” the movement adopted the more modest goal of filling convention halls and civic centers of about 15,000. One of the more striking examples of the drought in attendance was found in Minneapolis. PK attracted 62,000 men to the Metrodome in 1995, but could muster only 16,000 men to Minneapolis’s much smaller Target Center in 2000. Similar drops in attendance occurred in other repeat–venues throughout the nation.
For their part, the Promise Keepers have not resigned themselves to being dismissed as yesterday’s news. When questioned about their drastically diminished revenues and less impressive membership rolls, one PK spokesman glibly asserted that the group is merely letting “the soil rest” before reinitiating its harvest of men’s souls. Other spokesmen have adopted a more forthright tone. One leader described the group’s well–publicized financial woes and staff layoff as its “puberty era.” Such images suggest that PK has “grown up” from a gangly revivalist movement to a more mature men’s ministry. Still others have sought simply to downscale expectations. Another leader in the group painted the Promise Keepers as a front–line crusade whose primary goal has always been to serve as a “starting point” for channeling converted men into local churches. According to this logic, once the baton has been passed to local churches, observers should not expect to see PK tally the same numbers in fund raising or conference attendance that they previously commanded.
Recent Efforts to Revive PK
More compelling than such rhetoric are PK’s practical efforts to reinvent itself in recent years. The form and the substance of PK conferences have changed in significant ways. In contrast to the glitzy high–tech conferences of years past, recent events have taken on a more earthy, traditionally evangelical feel. Still, this is not to say that PK has suddenly become a technophobic organization. PK continues to redefine the very notion of “electronic church,” a phrase sociologists first used in the 1980s to describe the phenomenal growth of Christian radio and televangelism. Information technology has come a long way since the 1980s. Never the Luddite, PK continues to use all of the latest technological media to their best advantage.
Select PK conferences are now broadcast live over the internet through the group’s use of webcast technology. PK’s website (www.promisekeepers.org) features a “myPK” link that, among its other features, can connect individual Promise Keepers with their brothers in the “PK Online Community.” And, for his part, PK founder McCartney has used an array of electronic media to reach American men. McCartney’s popular three–minute “4th and Goal” radio broadcast, carried by nearly five hundred local radio stations at it peak, is supported by a companion website (www.4thandgoal.org) as well as an e–mail distribution list. The Promise Keepers even offer a filtered internet service provider, “pkFamily.com,” and its own “internet accountability software” called “Eye Promise”—the latter with a catchy “eye” logo that helps men to feel as if they are under the caring yet watchful gaze of the group as they surf the web. A host of local Promise Keeper faithful have followed suit by constructing their own websites at which they pay homage to the group and its influence on their lives. At many such sights, old–time religion meets high–tech spirituality.
Alongside such efforts, the Promise Keepers have also sought to broaden their target constituency. In 2001, PK began sponsoring a youth ministry series called Passage, complete with conferences aimed at young evangelical males. PK describes this cohort of young evangelicals as “The Next Warriors For Christ,” and provides the hip admonishment, “THIS AIN’T YOUR DADDY’S PK!” Passage events feature big–name Christian musical artists, such as Michael W. Smith and the Katinas, who are widely popular among evangelical youth. Not to be dismissed as out of touch with today’s youth culture, Passage’s supporting websites (www.passage2001.com, www.passage2002.com) feature pictures of teen surfers and skateboarders alongside Bible–reading adolescent boys. Passage conferences also feature young Christian athletes—a new generation of Muscular Christians, it would seem—performing extreme sports to pulsating but sanitized tunes that resemble the emergent genre of “ska music” sweeping through American teendom. The climax of every Passage conference is the pairing up of each teen boy with an adult male mentor. Like accountability partnerships that were formed in their “Daddy’s PK,” the expectation is that this mentor–protegè relationship will last well beyond the event itself.
The Promise Keepers’ new emphasis on youth ministry was presaged by the 2001 eighteen–city conference series, “Turn the Tide: Living Out an Extreme Faith,” which melds a biblical reference to promoting social change through Christian living (Romans 12:2) with the concept of “extreme sports” popular among young people today. Passage conferences are touted as an “in–your–face experience.” Balancing their anti–establishment orientation with respect for competing forms of youth ministry, PK leaders are quick to emphasize that Passage is not aimed at supplanting more traditional church–run ministries to male youth groups such as the Boy Scouts.
The Promise Keepers have also broadened their reach beyond U.S. borders through “PKI”—Promise Keepers International. PKI hosts “International Summits” designed to unite evangelical Christians from around the world in brotherly prayer and worship. These summits are translated into no fewer than seven languages, are enlivened with world music (albeit from a Christian perspective), and feature “presentations from representatives of nations from every continent, including Messianic Rabbis, Pastors from Africa, Asia, Latin America and Europe” (www.pk–intl.com/summit.htm). By 2002, PKI had been established in nine countries, including Canada, Germany, New Zealand, South Africa, Sweden, the United Kingdom, and other European nations. And, true to form, several of these PKI chapters have their own websites.
PKI extends the group’s longstanding engagement with cultural diversity. PK was criticized early on for a lack of representation of racial minorities on its staff and its failure to attract men of color despite its stated emphasis on racial reconciliation (see Allen 2001; Diamond 1998; Hawkins 2000; Jones and Lockhart 1999). Even McCartney himself, grandfather of two multiracial children, had previously acknowledged the group’s failure on this front (Culver 1999b). However, in the last few years, the movement has begun to offer a more culturally diverse slate of speakers and is guided by a more genuinely multiracial cadre of leaders (Dujardin 2001; Rivera 2001). PKI is designed to take PK’s multicultural brand of evangelicalism to the next level by broadening its base to include born–again Christians from outside the United States.
Making Sense of It All: Explaining the Rise and Fall of PK
The rapid growth and decline of the Promise Keepers tells us a great deal about this men’s movement and American religion. As a revivalistic movement that is sometimes quite critical of the religious establishment, PK was able to repackage spirituality, casting it as something other than “organized religion.” This evangelical repackaging of faith made religious conviction palatable for a large number of American men. But eschewing “organized religion” comes at a cost. Social movements have traditionally found it difficult to parlay their appeal into an enduring influence unless they become institutionalized. In the world of feminism, the women’s movement became consolidated and endures as the National Organization of Women. In the world of faith, religious movements often try to channel their charisma into organizations that are familiar to us all—congregations and denominations. United Methodism, begun by evangelist John Wesley, is one case in point. Thus, PK’s anti-establishment approach to faith was its greatest strength and its most glaring weakness. PK was catapulted into the limelight and attracted men by the thousands through because it gave a free-flowing character to spirituality. In this way, it successfully dressed up religion in garb, such as sport, that is very familiar to American men. But this quality also meant that its fame would not last very long, as is commonly the case with revivalistic movements designed to attract a limited constituency (in this case, men).
In a broader sense, the rise and fall of the Promise Keepers provides insight into American culture. Americans suffer from what might be best described as a collective form of attention deficit disorder. Our society changes with such rapidity that it is a real challenge for any group to command sustained attention in the public eye. Consider the late artist Andy Warhol’s prophetic reference to the fleeting “fifteen minutes of fame” that he predicted would characterize popularity in modern America. In many respects, Warhol was right. Social life in twenty–first century America seems to be more liquid than solid.
By diving headlong into the turbulent waters of American culture, the Promise Keepers invariably lent themselves to comparisons with the world of entertainment. And the consumers that rule the entertainment world are notorious for their fickle tastes and their insatiable appetites for increasingly more spectacular forms of excitement. The problem here is one of continually having to “up the ante.” Of course, this is not to say that fickleness or an insatiable appetite for entertainment dictated the Promise Keeper men’s reactions to conferences. The stated purpose is something different—changing hearts, winning souls. But, as the movement’s signature event, Promise Keeper conferences were designed to be spectacles. They were intended to entertain as well edify. And the problem with a spectacle is it needs to be outdone by something more spectacular and more stimulating the next time around. Thus, the fate of the Promise Keepers sheds important light on both the Christian men’s movement that it represented, and the society in which we all live. The bell has tolled for the Promise Keepers. But, living in such a time of rapid change, it also tolls for us all.
John P. Bartkowski is an associate professor of sociology at Mississippi State University. He is author of Remaking the Godly Marriage: Gender Negotiation in Evangelical Families (Rutgers University Press, 2001) and Charitable Choices: Religion, Race, and Poverty in the Post–Welfare Era (New York University Press, 2003).
Monday, April 5, 2010
Command a Room Like a Man
I found another interesting article from "The Art of Manliness" website:
We’ve probably all seen those men who can enter any room and instantly command it. I’m not talking about the loud and boisterous dolt who makes a scene with obnoxious alpha-male jackassery. I’m talking about the man who exudes a silent magnetic charisma that electrifies the entire room just by his presence. People feel better when this type of man is around and they want to be near him.
The benefits of being able to walk into any social situation and completely own it are innumerable. The man who can command a room is more persuasive in his business presentations, easily meets and makes friends, and attracts more women. While many men are born with the ability to charismatically command a room, it can also be learned. Below we’ve provided a few tips to get you started on being El Capitan of any social or professional situation.
Walk in boldly. Many men walk into a room timidly because they don’t want to appear presumptions or self-important. While you shouldn’t barge into people’s home, once you’re invited in, walk in with a bit of pep in your step. You’re supposed to be there, so act like it.
Theodore Roosevelt was a master at walking into a room boldly. In 1881, Roosevelt was elected to the New York Assembly at the age of 23. Accounts from fellow assemblymen on Roosevelt’s first day in office all describe the impressive entrance of the young man. They recall him bursting through the doors and pausing just for a moment so people could soak him in. According to historian Edmund Morris, this became a lifelong habit of Roosevelt’s; he would literally bound from room to room in the White House. Take a lesson from TR: save the walking softly business for your rhetoric.
Hold your breath when you walk in. Win the Crowd author and Magician to the Millionaires Steve Cohen has a trick that he does before we walks onto a stage or into room to perform. Before he makes his appearance, he takes a deep breath, filling all of his lungs. He then holds his breath and walks into the room. As he talks, the air is naturally exhaled. This simple action increases blood to your face and makes you look “more radiant and lively,” and consequently more confident. In addition, taking a deep breath and holding it also makes you taller, which brings us to our next point….
Stand up straight! Numerous studies have proven that people are attracted to taller men. Taller men get paid more and they get more women. Unfortunately, not all of us were born with Shaq-like height. Don’t sweat it. Just work with what you got. Work on improving your posture. When you enter a room, don’t walk in with shoulders slouched and your head facing down like a whipped puppy. Show your confidence by walking in with your back straight and your chin up. Try not to stick your chest out too much or else it will look like you’re posturing like a silverback gorilla. Just maintain your natural and correct posture. By doing this, you’ll add inches to your frame and increase your presence in the room.
Take control of your surroundings. We feel most self-assured and at ease when we’re familiar with our surroundings. Familiarity gives us a sense of control, which makes us feel confident. How can you be familiar with a room if it’s your first time entering it? Steve Cohen suggests doing small things to instantly take control of your surroundings. For example, when you sit down at a table in a restaurant, rearrange things on the table. Move a saltshaker or your water glass. It sounds silly, but by doing this you tell your subconscious that you have control (even if it’s nominal) of your surroundings, which in turns makes you more confident and magnetic. Look for small but polite ways in which you can take control of your surroundings in your everyday activities. You might be amazed by the results.
Make eye contact. Every book on self-confidence or assertiveness will tell you that a simple way to increase your presence in a room and your connection with other people is to look them in the eye. The reason it’s repeated ad nauseam is because it works. Eye contact is key to creating a connection with people. History’s most magnetic men all had the ability of making a person feel like they were the only person there. Bill Clinton is a perfect example of this. Adroit use of eye contact is an essential part of this ability.
Eye contact should be engaging, but not overbearing. Don’t stare a person down non-stop. You’ll just creep them out. Look into their eyes, while occasionally flitting yours to the sides of their head and then back. If you have trouble looking people in the eye, try this tip. Take notice of what color eyes the person you’re talking with has. Are they green? Blue? Brown? Or do they have a unique mix? Not only does this help maintain eye contact with people, it’s also a great way to remember people’s names. After taking note of a person’s eye color, start associating that color with their name. You’ll gain bonus charisma points for being able to recall their name during the conversation.
Eliminate filler words. A nervous tick that plagues many men is filling the space between their words with needless “ummms,” “yeah’s” and “like’s.” Using filler words is not only distracting, it shows that you’re not confident in what you’re saying. If you’re going to say something, say it with ganas, hombre! Don’t muddle up the conversation with needless filler.
But what should you do in those moments when you’re still collecting your thoughts as you speak? Our natural tendency is to fill the air with an “uuumm” or a quick blast of several “likes.” But fight the urge to do this. Instead embrace the silence. As you come to moments in the conversation where you have to collect your thoughts, just keep your mouth shut. This does two things. First, you eliminate the distraction of the annoying filler words. Second, and more importantly, you draw people in closer to you by creating anticipation in what you’re about to say. By remaining silent, you pique the curiosity of your listener and subtly take control of the situation. Of course, avoid too many long pauses; that will only make you seem awkward.
Focus on other people. If there’s anything you take away from this article, let it be this. If you really want to be the man in the room that people are drawn to, focus your interest on them. Many men have the false idea that if you want to command the room, you have to make everything about you. These misguided souls wear flashy jewelry or skin tight clothing that shows off their well-chiseled body. Their conversation focuses on them- their cars, their bench press, their sexual exploits, etc. While a few pinheads will be impressed with this sort of thing, the vast majority of the population will think it’s a bunch crap.
The reality is that the magnetic gentleman-the man who can walk into any room and own it- is others focused. People want to feel loved, appreciated, and important. Sadly, many people these days aren’t feeling much of that. Perhaps their boss never compliments them or their wife never voices any appreciation for all that they do. If you can fill that void in people’s lives by focusing on them and acknowledging their importance, you’ll instantly bring them under your magnetic influence.
Think back to a time when someone genuinely complimented you. How did you feel? Pretty damn good, probably. How did you feel about the person giving the compliment? Admit it. You most likely thought, “Wow, I really like this guy!” It’s only human nature. We’re drawn to people who show an interest in us. People are like mirrors. When we shine a light on a person, they reflect that light back on us. If we shine a light on every person in the room, we end up being the brightest man there.
So, next time you enter a room, forget being charming. Hell, forget about commanding the room. Just focus on how you can make others feel important. The charm and the room will follow naturally.
by Brett & Kate McKay on July 28, 2009
We’ve probably all seen those men who can enter any room and instantly command it. I’m not talking about the loud and boisterous dolt who makes a scene with obnoxious alpha-male jackassery. I’m talking about the man who exudes a silent magnetic charisma that electrifies the entire room just by his presence. People feel better when this type of man is around and they want to be near him.
The benefits of being able to walk into any social situation and completely own it are innumerable. The man who can command a room is more persuasive in his business presentations, easily meets and makes friends, and attracts more women. While many men are born with the ability to charismatically command a room, it can also be learned. Below we’ve provided a few tips to get you started on being El Capitan of any social or professional situation.
Walk in boldly. Many men walk into a room timidly because they don’t want to appear presumptions or self-important. While you shouldn’t barge into people’s home, once you’re invited in, walk in with a bit of pep in your step. You’re supposed to be there, so act like it.
Theodore Roosevelt was a master at walking into a room boldly. In 1881, Roosevelt was elected to the New York Assembly at the age of 23. Accounts from fellow assemblymen on Roosevelt’s first day in office all describe the impressive entrance of the young man. They recall him bursting through the doors and pausing just for a moment so people could soak him in. According to historian Edmund Morris, this became a lifelong habit of Roosevelt’s; he would literally bound from room to room in the White House. Take a lesson from TR: save the walking softly business for your rhetoric.
Hold your breath when you walk in. Win the Crowd author and Magician to the Millionaires Steve Cohen has a trick that he does before we walks onto a stage or into room to perform. Before he makes his appearance, he takes a deep breath, filling all of his lungs. He then holds his breath and walks into the room. As he talks, the air is naturally exhaled. This simple action increases blood to your face and makes you look “more radiant and lively,” and consequently more confident. In addition, taking a deep breath and holding it also makes you taller, which brings us to our next point….
Stand up straight! Numerous studies have proven that people are attracted to taller men. Taller men get paid more and they get more women. Unfortunately, not all of us were born with Shaq-like height. Don’t sweat it. Just work with what you got. Work on improving your posture. When you enter a room, don’t walk in with shoulders slouched and your head facing down like a whipped puppy. Show your confidence by walking in with your back straight and your chin up. Try not to stick your chest out too much or else it will look like you’re posturing like a silverback gorilla. Just maintain your natural and correct posture. By doing this, you’ll add inches to your frame and increase your presence in the room.
Take control of your surroundings. We feel most self-assured and at ease when we’re familiar with our surroundings. Familiarity gives us a sense of control, which makes us feel confident. How can you be familiar with a room if it’s your first time entering it? Steve Cohen suggests doing small things to instantly take control of your surroundings. For example, when you sit down at a table in a restaurant, rearrange things on the table. Move a saltshaker or your water glass. It sounds silly, but by doing this you tell your subconscious that you have control (even if it’s nominal) of your surroundings, which in turns makes you more confident and magnetic. Look for small but polite ways in which you can take control of your surroundings in your everyday activities. You might be amazed by the results.
Make eye contact. Every book on self-confidence or assertiveness will tell you that a simple way to increase your presence in a room and your connection with other people is to look them in the eye. The reason it’s repeated ad nauseam is because it works. Eye contact is key to creating a connection with people. History’s most magnetic men all had the ability of making a person feel like they were the only person there. Bill Clinton is a perfect example of this. Adroit use of eye contact is an essential part of this ability.
Eye contact should be engaging, but not overbearing. Don’t stare a person down non-stop. You’ll just creep them out. Look into their eyes, while occasionally flitting yours to the sides of their head and then back. If you have trouble looking people in the eye, try this tip. Take notice of what color eyes the person you’re talking with has. Are they green? Blue? Brown? Or do they have a unique mix? Not only does this help maintain eye contact with people, it’s also a great way to remember people’s names. After taking note of a person’s eye color, start associating that color with their name. You’ll gain bonus charisma points for being able to recall their name during the conversation.
Eliminate filler words. A nervous tick that plagues many men is filling the space between their words with needless “ummms,” “yeah’s” and “like’s.” Using filler words is not only distracting, it shows that you’re not confident in what you’re saying. If you’re going to say something, say it with ganas, hombre! Don’t muddle up the conversation with needless filler.
But what should you do in those moments when you’re still collecting your thoughts as you speak? Our natural tendency is to fill the air with an “uuumm” or a quick blast of several “likes.” But fight the urge to do this. Instead embrace the silence. As you come to moments in the conversation where you have to collect your thoughts, just keep your mouth shut. This does two things. First, you eliminate the distraction of the annoying filler words. Second, and more importantly, you draw people in closer to you by creating anticipation in what you’re about to say. By remaining silent, you pique the curiosity of your listener and subtly take control of the situation. Of course, avoid too many long pauses; that will only make you seem awkward.
Focus on other people. If there’s anything you take away from this article, let it be this. If you really want to be the man in the room that people are drawn to, focus your interest on them. Many men have the false idea that if you want to command the room, you have to make everything about you. These misguided souls wear flashy jewelry or skin tight clothing that shows off their well-chiseled body. Their conversation focuses on them- their cars, their bench press, their sexual exploits, etc. While a few pinheads will be impressed with this sort of thing, the vast majority of the population will think it’s a bunch crap.
The reality is that the magnetic gentleman-the man who can walk into any room and own it- is others focused. People want to feel loved, appreciated, and important. Sadly, many people these days aren’t feeling much of that. Perhaps their boss never compliments them or their wife never voices any appreciation for all that they do. If you can fill that void in people’s lives by focusing on them and acknowledging their importance, you’ll instantly bring them under your magnetic influence.
Think back to a time when someone genuinely complimented you. How did you feel? Pretty damn good, probably. How did you feel about the person giving the compliment? Admit it. You most likely thought, “Wow, I really like this guy!” It’s only human nature. We’re drawn to people who show an interest in us. People are like mirrors. When we shine a light on a person, they reflect that light back on us. If we shine a light on every person in the room, we end up being the brightest man there.
So, next time you enter a room, forget being charming. Hell, forget about commanding the room. Just focus on how you can make others feel important. The charm and the room will follow naturally.
by Brett & Kate McKay on July 28, 2009
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Update
For those of you following this blog, I apologize for not posting more regularly. I started this intending to deal with mens ministry. Since then have quite frankly been in unfamiliar territory spiritually and hope to be back soon.
Thanks for your patience.
DW
Thanks for your patience.
DW
Tool Donation
John McKinney & Eric Hoft brought down a flat trailer full of tools from Harry "Bud" Jimison's garage & they are stored in my barn. Bud donated his tools to the Men's Ministry, which includes a 5ft rolling toolbox full of stuff, power tools and hand tools. It was suggested that we might have a sale or silent auction to sell some and split the proceeds with Bud. Another suggestion is to get a trailer to keep everything in for ministry projects.
An idea I have is to have a few guys come over to help inventory everything and at least get a good list of what we have.
DW
An idea I have is to have a few guys come over to help inventory everything and at least get a good list of what we have.
DW
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Mens Ministry Update
Men,
As of January 1st, I have “rotated” off as an active deacon for a mandatory 12 months and Hap Gilbert is the new Mens Ministry deacon for 2010. Please give him the same support and prayer(s) I have experienced these last three years.
We have moved the TBC Mens Ministry further towards our goal of developing men of excellence and integrity through discipleship, fellowship and worship, authentically reaching others with the love of Christ in every aspect of life. I appreciate all we have accomplished together, thank each one of you and look forward to the great things the Lord has planned for us in the future.
Sincerely,
DW
'As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.' Proverbs 27:17
As of January 1st, I have “rotated” off as an active deacon for a mandatory 12 months and Hap Gilbert is the new Mens Ministry deacon for 2010. Please give him the same support and prayer(s) I have experienced these last three years.
We have moved the TBC Mens Ministry further towards our goal of developing men of excellence and integrity through discipleship, fellowship and worship, authentically reaching others with the love of Christ in every aspect of life. I appreciate all we have accomplished together, thank each one of you and look forward to the great things the Lord has planned for us in the future.
Sincerely,
DW
'As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.' Proverbs 27:17
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